Home away from home, the Basingstoke aquadrome, where Southampton’s strongest girls prepared to face a new opponent: Oxford. After an confession from Miss Katie Smith that playing in the Premiership, as much of a novelty as she made it out at bunfight, was infact quite hard (who’d have guessed, apparently not our VP), the team went pool side to set up all our equipment as we remembered that it was in fact a home match despite the transportation required. 

After a team talk was held, mostly by our said VP as Miss Ratledge was trying to fix all our equipment (spoiler: she failed), which stressed the importance of defending amongst many inspirational words given by Miss Ratledge after she’d battled the shot clocks, we jumped into the pool. Some quicker than others…(not going to name names you know who you are) and warmed up. 

Then it was time for the game to start, the starting seven put on their scary faces and the whistle was blown. Oxford showed their speed and won the swim off, promptly swimming towards our goal. Neve performed miraculous aero acrobatics as she saved the ball. Backflips, summersaults, star jumps? You bet she did it all. The girls then set up for their own attack to sus out Oxford’s defence, turns out, it was quite good as the goalie made a good save from smithy. This back and forth continued for 2minutes before oxford secured themselves the first goal of the match. This game them some momentum as despite the girls best efforts Oxford kept sneaking goals in the net. However a valiant effort left us only 5 goals down at the end of the first quarter, much to the delight of our many faithful supports, big up alumni Jess, Matt and Tilly. 

The second quarter was even more of a success for the girls as an almighty goal was scored by the mighty Miss Skelton who got the ball into the net like a mermaid James Bond (not to boost her ego too much though as she also got excluded earlier). This spurred on the girls who performed some miraculous defence meaning Oxford could only sneak in 2 goals for the whole quarter! A testament to their training as many girls took Miss Skeltons action (all be it the wrong ones) as inspiration, meaning many man downs were defined. Leaving the score at 1-7. 

At half time substitutions were made and, encouraged by the success from before and determined to not let her title of major queen be her only defining feature, Lottie scored a goal of her own! Woop woop! However, not sure if the girls now felt the pressure of Miss Grace’s camera (another wonderful alumni supporter, photos available on request), the girls couldn’t quite keep up the defence, as after a slightly iffy man-up attempt which was unsuccessful, Oxford unleashed a frenzy of goals. Despite this set back, our wonderful goalie (self-proclaimed miss every minute of every match) kept the Oxford score line from doubling in a single quatre as she fought effortlessly against one-on-ones to leave the score line a larger but respectable 2-12.

The final quarter kicked off with several exclusions for both teams, somehow though, Oxford managed to win both man-up and man-down and score a goal each time. Woops? Still having a good time, in the fourth quarter, excitement was had as the fabulous team junior got out the pool in the wrong place to the varying reactions of the bench! Silly fresher. Despite valiant attempts to save the penalty a point was scored by Oxford. Southampton’s finest swimmers persevered using every opportunity to try and get another goal but alas it was not to be, instead each time had another exclusion. I guess we were all just in a silly goofy mood. The final score was a solid 2-15 to Oxford and what a fine score that was. 

After an epic effort, a hearty McDonald’s was enjoyed with much envy being had at Oxford’s coach they driven in (wink wink cough cough Mr Fixtures sec) and we drove back to Southampton under triumphant fireworks because despite losing we all agreed a good match was played and many giggles were had. 

Well, most of us drove back to Southampton. Complications arose due to the unforeseen occurrence of a Katie’s car deciding that it didn’t want to drive. But hope was not once lost as the freshers were whisked away by the heroic Jess Grace (please insert Superman theme tune here.) Ella became the club’s official road safety officer in her sexy high vis jacket and Jack became the club’s weather forecaster as he flirtatiously hid behind a flowery umbrella.

Written by Hannah Pimenta.

Most Valuable Player: Miss Skelton for not only being joint top goal scorer but for beating Miss Ratledge as major Queen!

Dick of the Day: The shot clocks who decided they didn’t feel like working!

Goals/Majors:

Neve Rowland 0/0

Isobel Neighbour 0/2

Rain Chatterjee 0/0

Katie Smith 0/1

Elosie Viney 0/0

Jess Firth 0/0

Immy Lancaster 0/0

Georgia Skelton 1/2

Ella Evans 0/0

Lottie Ratledge 1/0

Hannah Pimenta 0/1

Carmen West 0/0