Nerds vs. Jocks

By Anton Stephan 2.2016


From what ended up being a rather pointless venture to one of the more intelligent universities in the country, all nine biggest boys including new LAD Phil ‘phresher’ Cumner arrived at Stags 7 o’clock sharp all wondering which of us would have to squeeze into the mighty Ford Ka fresh out of its MOT!! With Perry and Tim taking the plunge the two cars headed off fully pumped and buzzing for what would be not-such-a-hard game…


The Ford Ka took a short detour to Basingstoke to pick up our former captain who; along with 4 other med students, 3 consultants, 2 junior doctors and a registrar; had been struggling to keep track of the duo of patients on the ward that day #thelifeofamedstudent. With Anton very opening sharing his crude and controversial opinion of the law, the biggest of the biggest boys set of once again. After successfully solving Britain’s financial troubles and coming to a conclusion about the 9/11 conspiracy theory courtesy of Le Grand Chat Timye, the team was reunited in Oxford.


Meanwhile the mighty Mazda with Lewis “the captain” Hamilton behind the wheel sped up the M3 arriving at Oxford half and hour early. However, instead of heading to the pool, the boys decided it was time for another round of the notorious fresher’s challenges! After tearing up most of the green of one of Oxfords many colleges, the quintet headed to the athletics track. Here we saw Mcloughlin vs Cumner in the 100m dash, 75m hurdles and, after a 400m lap of the track in the Mazda, the team reunited at the pool.


As we could only marvel at Oxfords beautiful sporting facilities (which were only narrowly better than our own!), the coin was tossed, the players lined up, the whistle was blown and the game began.


After narrowly losing the ball on the swim off, the boy’s quickly regained possession, no doubt with the help of our outstanding fitness and, with less than a minute on the clock, our captain sealed the deal and quickly put us in the lead. After a shaky start to the season, Anton put away an absolute beauty off the foul on five metres. However, this was disallowed due to the ominous five metre rule! However, his confidence was not broken as two more goals were added to the board and, with other goals from Perry, BK, Derulo and Divall plus four goals from Charlie, the team was clearly on form! With Tim narrowly missing one of their many shots, the boys finished the quarter 10-1 up, possibly the best start to a game all season.


With the team quickly realising that this was not their first team and a quick pat on the back from the captain, the second quarter began and the team quickly put away a flurry of goals from Charlie, Jason and BK. A special mention must go to Neil who, in the midst of another nosebleed, managed to find the net from the five meter line with blood streaming down his face #warrior. With a quick lapse of concentration, the team let in another goal but no heads were down from the biggest boys as half time sounded with a score of 16-2.


Realising that our opponents had clearly been spending too much time sucking up to their lecturers and that this wasn’t an intense city match against our former Greek allies, the boys made it their aim to get a full house on the score sheet and as the third quarter commenced, things were looking good with every player getting a taste of the glory, apart from Phil who was taking his turn between the sticks. With a touch of complacency and the aim not to humiliate our opponents, our boys got three goals and as the whistle sounded, the pressure was on for fresher Phil to get on the board.


With the final quarter beginning and some solid defence from the boys (*edit* Charlie winning the swim off), possession was gained and our boys moved up the pitch all with one thought on their minds … their free mcflurry on the way home … As Jason won us yet another man up, Phil seized the moment and found the net. With a full house of goals from every member of the team and a few more goals from Jason, BK and Divall, the final whistle was blown and the game was over with a final score of 26-5.


After congratulating our opponents on a solid effort, the boys hit the showers before reuniting in the car park with yet another win on the score sheet. Anton displayed another bout of his terrific driving skills and with the cars centre of gravity shifted significantly to the front left side, Divall *cough *cough, Anton decided to nearly rip his wheel of on a curb, whoops! With a heads held high, the boys reunited at Maccys for a well deserved hand burger and fries.


Thank you to all our supporters (Jason’s girlfriend) who came to watch. More matches/wins coming soon.

Goals                                   Majors                               Dick of the day Neil – nosebleed in the pool…

Charlie 6                            Neil        1

Jason     5                            Jason     1

Ben        5                            Ben        1

Divall     4

Anton    3

Neil        1

Perry      1

Timye    1


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