After some very dubious morality in the first fixture against Bath this year, there was no fixture I was wanting to get a result from more than this one. Read on for the full breakdown about how we comprehensively spanked them and sent them home, tail tucked firmly between their legs.

Figure 1: Quarterly breakdown of our ego crushing performance

 

After the tightness (and subsequent injustice, scroll back through the reports for the whole enthralling tale) of the first game against Bath this year, I was expecting another close game. I requested that we start nice and slowly and play our own game, knowing that Bath have been renowned for having some pretty decent swimmers in the past and I was wary of us tiring out. So of course everyone ignored me and we proceeded to score almost immediately. Shows what I know. Horlock I think was the scorer. Vids and myself grabbed one apiece with only one conceded to end the quarter 3-1 up.

Realising that Bath were not the force to be reckoned with that I had suspected, caution was thrown to the wind and an absolute maelstrom of second team fury descended upon the poor souls Bath had put in our way. Attacking the deep, myself and Horlock grabbed another each with Taylor-Rose chipping in to make it 6-1 at half time. Giving team talks while ahead is something I could really get used to.

Figure 2: Ouch

Feeling a little bit sorry for Bath after this, we decided to let them score 2 goals. Not feeling that sorry for them, we went and smacked in 3 more, myself with 2 and Horlock with another. 9-3 heading into the last quarter.

Smashed it. 5 goals scored without reply. Taylor-Rose put in an audacious lob, Conal actually managed to score a goal in a seconds game, James forced a pretty embarrassing own goal (bloody loved it, not on the match sheet though so who knows if it counts), and Paul absolutely went to town with a last quarter hat-trick. 14 – 3 final score. My personal highlight was their coach having a bit of a moan that they were missing players cause their firsts were also playing. Seconds playing seconds, outrageous right?

Figure 3: Distance covered. Note how lazy Lawrence is

 

Really top effort from all involved. Got to love when it all comes together with a good drubbing of some no marks from Somerset, especially in front of their watching ladies team. Sorry about that lads. Special mention to Horlock who was absolutely everywhere all game. Though he did miss about 20 one on ones.

Thanks a bunch everyone. Also shout out to all the Bath guys and girls who liked the match report on twitter last time out. I get that you’re being all ironic and liking it and having a good laugh at us, but at least I’m not insecure about not getting in to Bristol. Hope you like this one as much xoxox

 

BREAKDOWN

Figure 4: So excited to finally get a pie chart in a match report

James did also definitely score though so I decided to award ourselves an extra goal. Come at me UPolo.

 

Figure 5: What even is this diagram?