A Not-So Close Defeat

Report Author: Rhia Perks

Game: Southampton Women’s vs Queen Mary’s (Barts)

Score: 13-5 (and a half)

Date: 16/02/2020


SUWPC ladies faced their second match against Barts – after a close defeat, the girls were craving a win. Shame. After a 3-hour journey through Storm Dennis, with only two detours from our resident taxi driver, the 10 girls arrived for a much-anticipated rematch. It turned out to be a pretty messy game – messy from us, messy from them, messy from the ref and even a messy match sheet. For this reason, I can’t report when anybody got a major, so let’s pretend, for the sake of this report, that we played angelically with no fouls whatsoever.

The first quarter was a slow start for SUWPC. Barts managed to sneak 4 goals into the net, with Southampton taking a big fat zero. We didn’t manage to score a goal, but we did score second base with their captain so who’s the real winner here?

Onto the second quarter, Barts managed to score 5 goals. 6 if you include their own goal, putting us 9-1 with no shots from Soton. Apparently, one Barts player wasn’t satisfied with this performance though, so decided to try and drown Meg despite getting the goal passed her. Silly fresher. A disheartened SUWPC were determined to bring it back in the second half. Ish.

Third-quarter saw a slightly better defence from us, pulling Barts down to just three goals in 7 minutes. Our very own Adele Potts managed to take a beautiful shot straight to the back of the net – our first proper goal of the match. The rest of SUWPC were too focused on keeping themselves in their swimming costumes, despite Barts seeming to have other intentions. Meg also became victim to yet another drowning, prompting our captain to ask Barts most *passionate* player if something was perhaps wrong with her. She may have used a more *passionate* phrase. A reasonable question if you ask me – we were all curious.

Fourth-quarter was a big fat win for Soton – 7 minutes of incredible gameplay watched Potthead and Hana get a goal each, with Emma picking up two. Probably. It’s impossible to tell with that match sheet. We picked up 3 goals in this quarter, so you can fill in the blanks yourself to decide what happened, because I definitely don’t know and neither did the table, clearly.

Overall, it probably wasn’t our best gameplay in the world, but it is pretty hard to concentrate when you’re being strangled or groped for most of the game. A rough match saw a rough loss, but the Ls did not stop there. SUWPC headed to McDonald’s for a classic McLoss, with Natalia taking the biggest L of all when they made her wait 30 minutes for a burger. Big oof.

We hit the road to return, saying goodbye to Dana and Hana at the tube station. Taking a particularly touristy route of London, the girls got to brighten their spirits with sights of Harrods, the Tower of London (or the Shard, if you ask our overtired driver) and Buckingham Palace. Accompanied by a year’s supply of cheese music, we made it onto the M3, where we set up camp for the rest of the night. When a crash ahead caused a “6-minute delay” (thank you, google maps), the minibus came to a grinding halt as we got stuck for another hour. Cue the Alphabet Game, team building, and an untitled goose game.

Eventually, and miraculously, we did all make it home in one piece, thanks to Mr Wilmshurst and his lovely driving with absolutely no detours or mistakes at all. And at 2am, SUWPC laid down their sleepy heads, and they all lived happily ever after. Although it probably wasn’t that happy after all.


Lady of the Match

Adele Potts

Scored 2 goals, only matched by our captain. She showed a decent ability to handle balls (for a fresher).


Adele Potts – 2

Emma Critchley – 2

Hana Ellingham – 1

(Own Goal – 1)


Emily Pearce – 2

Emma Critchley – 1

Hana Ellingham – 1


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