Spirits were high and optimism was rife among 8 of Southampton’s biggest boys as they headed over to Winchester for an easy game of polo against the city team. After much insistence that we were able to play without subs (honestly the line of people begging to play was extensive), we begrudgingly accepted the help of beloved alumni Phil King. (Heavy on sarcasm because this man saved my legs and will to live, thank you good sir). 

Luckily, before the match started, Mr Bennalick was able to overhear the city team’s pep talk and confirmed they were in fact quivering in their speedos, referring to our beastly boys as the “weaker side” with “not much stamina”. Now I’ll have you know that I do my swim lane cardio, so I don’t know what they’re on about. With this uplifting insight the starting 7 took their marks and prepared to prove them wrong. 

Kicking off the first quarter Sam Dalton betrayed the city team by pelting the ball into their goal. Perhaps they were just confused as to why one of their teammates was swimming into their ends. A swift exclusion of our dear captain lead to city having the upper hand but our boys were at the peak of their defensive game and denied their advantage and followed it up with another goal from Dalton (seriously, did someone forget to tell city which team he was playing for?). In his wake the fine Mr Wilmshurst decided to push the scoreline further and slotted 2 more into the net, making the score a beautiful 4-0. Who’s the weaker side now? Rhia on poolside support duty was updating the socials chat making sure her disbelief was noticeable (thanks for your faith in us queen, I couldn’t believe it either). It unfortunately didn’t take long for city to start taking their revenge and they managed to bring the score back to 4-2 by the end of the quarter. At this point I would love to make a disclaimer and say that if you stop reading you can walk away thinking we won but then you would deprive yourself of amazing report writing so I guess sacrifices must be made. 

Luke started the second quarter by winning the swim off with a feat of speed that left me wondering why he’s only played in goal all season but tragically the city team had decided they had faced enough humiliation, and a quick succession of goals turned the tides and put them in the lead 4-6. After that unsuccessful spree, the boys needed a burst of motivation and, oh? What’s that? Descending from the heavens, dropping into the goal past one of the best goalies in the country?  It could only be the most majestic lob I have ever seen, from outside 6 metres coming from none other than our amazing captain Finn Thomas. The stands went crazy, people almost died, Perks was going to delete the video because she was only filming for the (expected) save. Now don’t tell Alex and Lottie (our beautiful dry side captain) but I was ball watching the absolute shit out of that because how else am I supposed to appreciate it? Unfortunately, this performance was unable to intimidate the opposition and they ended up bringing the scoreline up to 5-10 with the help of our new goalie Mr Ellis giving away a rather confusing penalty. 

Our third quarter was much more successful ending up in a draw with 2 goals from each side. Big man Dalton slinging both of ours in perfectly after we got some of the cocky city boys excluded. Had to keep this paragraph short cause I am well aware how long it is already. 

The fourth quarter should be renamed the flop quarter cause we were in the TRENCHES by this point. After conceding more goals, :(, and Mr Wilkes earning himself an exclusion, Soton’s boys were tired and four of them decided it was time to sub out. Now, I know this is a match report but let’s do the maths here. 7 in the pool, 4 wanting to come out, 1 on the bench. Lads, I love the confidence but having 4 people in the pool to finish a match we are losing may not be the call. Fortunately, 3 of them managed to suck it up and stay in for the remainder. The boys fought valiantly until the end, but the final score ended up 7-16. 

Man of the match: Philip King, an absolute godsend for agreeing to return and play for us. Saved a lot of potential cramps by allowing subs and also played like a champ throughout the match. My man is done with uni but still shows amazing commitment, which is more than I can say for our… 

DICK OF THE DAY: Mr George Lea. Out of all the excuses heard, this was by far the POOREST one. Despite being our only sub in the first place our beloved fresh decided that romancing was more important than his water polo team and dropped out of the match in the pursuit of love. Definitely owes us all a pint in my opinion. 

Player/Goals/Majors 

Sam Ellis 0/1 

Ed Wilkes 0/1 

Finn Thomas 1/1 

Philip King 0/0 

Jack James 0/0 

Luke Bennalick 0/0 

Sam Dalton 4/0 

Alex Wilmshurst 2/0 

Written by Jack James