Weather Report: Hailstorm of Goals by SUWPC! (13/11)

On today’s report, we follow the big boys of SUWPC alongside a new batch of freshers as they head into battle once more, this time against the team from Portsmouth.

The first quarter starts off with an early goal by Alex Wilmhurst, setting the pace for the storm to follow. This is then followed up by a wombo combo of goals, done by Alex, Daniel and Jacob. Portsmouth attempts to retaliate to this relentless assault but only manage to score 1 goal and 2 exclusions against the overwhelming 5 scored by our boys.

The second quarter established even more dominance for our white-capped boys as they continue to rain shots upon the helpless Portsmouth keeper, taking the score to 11-1. This quarter, we got to witness Alex popping off as he manages to get a hat trick in under 5 minutes.

After a brief peptalk by our beloved captain, the third quarter begins. Here, we got to witness Howard showing us why he’s captain by getting 2 goals consecutively. Near the end of this quarter, Martin learns an important lesson on how NOT to play by getting himself excluded. This gave Portsmouth their second point and brings the score to 16-2.

On the final quarter, Popple got himself graciously excluded by saying some unsatisfactory words to our keeper (calling him a muppet(is muppet a slur here?)). Fernando, not wanting to be left out on the scoring spree, earns himself a hat trick, further cementing his fate as a regular and being forced to come to practice. Portsmouth answers this play by excluding one of their players, letting Fernando sneak in another shot.

Halfway through the quarter, all the regulars were subbed out for the freshers. We gave it our best attempt but they still managed to score one on us, in part due to my inability to swim fast enough to catch up to the attacker.

We ended the match with an overwhelming 20-3 score, and the reward being an extra practice session. Things seem to be looking up for the SUWPC boys. Will they be able to maintain this level of performance throughout the season?

Written by Harith Razak

Most Valuable Players: Jacob Graham and Alex Wilmhurst for scoring 5 goals apiece

Dick of the Day: James Popple for getting himself excluded for calling Sam a muppet (I still can’t believe this is a slur)

Goals / Majors:

Sam Ellis 0/0

Fernando Aluarez 4/0

Jacob Graham 5/0

Hadyn Lam 0/0

Michael Scott 1/0

Daniel Bourne 2/0

Harith Razak 0/0

Jack James 0/0