Do you kiss your mother with that Ports-mouth?

After a stunning walkover against LSE the week before, Soton’s Biggest Boys take on an old rival for the start of the cup league. Hopes were high, speedos were tight and Hibbetts was ill.

After comfortably winning the first swim off (no need to thank me), two consecutive goals by ex-pres Mr Finn Thomas put us ahead. Mr Alvarez grants Pompey a penalty which Mr Thomas took personally so he scored another. In the final minute of the first quarter they sneak another past us, but all is well at 3-2 to blue.

Another easy swim off started a rather rocky quarter. Weekes gets himself excluded and has the nerve to say, “Who me?”; and suddenly we’re level at 3-3. This was proving more difficult than we’d anticipated so Michael Scott eases our concerns with a stunning goal, followed by Mr Hassan, making his mark on Stags water-polo history. At half time, the boys find themselves at 6-5, undeterred and feeling strong.

The half time whistle had lit a fire inside of the Stags, as what followed was the most ruthless sequence of goals of their careers. Say goodbye to the one-goal lead. Six goals slammed into the back of the net with myself making a one-on-one with the goalie look hard, Finn Thomas scoring two and then BOOM – another one. The few goals scored by Pompey were in vain, as a lightning-fast shot from Mr Wilkes maintained our substantial lead.

Portsmouth were visibly tired and were suffering from exclusions but the boys prickled with energy. Michael got a bit excited and so after winning the swim off he kindly passed the ball to Portsmouth in a heartwarming display of sportsmanship. We proceed to take it back off them and within the first few seconds of the final quarter I redeem myself with a clean corner shot. Captain Jack James takes his turn on the naughty step and the people’s princess Fernando Alvarez scores for a third time. In my jealousy I also took my total to three goals and with four seconds to spare, Mr Thomas humiliates their goalie with a seventh goal. Show-off. The final whistle blows at 17-9 to Soton’s Biggest Boys.

A fantastic start to the year ahead of us. The motley crew that met each other a couple of months ago were now a force to be reckoned with apart from Andy because he was ill.

Written by John Nelson

Goals/Majors:

Sam Ellis 0/0

Tom Weekes 0/1

Elliot Oldham 0/0

Finn Thomas 7/0

Michael Scott 1/0

George Lea 0/0

Ed Wilkes 2/0

Jack James 0/1

Fernando Alvarez 3/1

Felix Hirst 0/0