Southampton Uni- 6-5 -Weymouth & Portland

A lovely Sunday evening was spent travelling to Weymouth for what can only be described as a brawl!

11 of the finest gentlemen made the trip down, some unfortunately having to put up with Walton drone on about how he used to come to Weymouth for some sailing shit………. it was as interesting as it sounds! Anyway, we turned up ready for a rather aggressive game of polo, which to our surprise started as you would imagine a normal game commencing, with some nice play from the Southampton boys scoring 4 goals in the first quarter with no reply from Weymouth. However, as we entered the 2nd quarter the opposition made a changes in tactics and rather than play water polo decided they would try their hands at UFC (Ultimate ‘cage’ fighting). Which surprisingly we were unprepared for, but we’re not called ‘the biggest boys’ for no reason!
With this tactical change some interesting tackles came in from the opposition as they anger quickly turned to serious, serious rage! But little did they know that our one and only ‘Italian stallion’ has a bit of European rage in him, and became quite terrifying himself! It became clear that this was how the rest of the match was going to pan out, and we struggled to find the goal with the added pressure, while it seemed to spurn them on (the score gets a bit blurry, but I remember us scoring and them scoring at points and the game ending 6-5 to us). I can’t really remember who scored, apart from Glanville finding the net nicely at the start of the game!

Special mention goes to Walton, who swam full speed into an opposition players head, then claiming he received a head butt. Horlock revealed he thought he was going to die at one point in the game and Charlie was crying for his mother at half time! After an unbelievably inspiring speech from yours truly, Akbar came close to pulling out a cheer leading routine that would rival the Vixens.

In the changing rooms, our reporters took a quote from one of the opposition players: “I didn’t get any majors today for once and I still managed to grab some bloke round the throat when he took the ball from me”

However, after a good wrestle and scrap for 45 minutes, we went for refreshments at a local boozing establishment, and to our astonishment the Weymouth chaps may be complete C**Ts in the water, but rather a nice bunch out of it!

Dick of the Day– Tim Walton (for far too much shit chat)

Man of the match– Andrea ‘The Italian Stallion’ Ricci