The Circus

Report Author: Alex Wilmshurst

Game: Southampton Men’s 1s vs Exeter Men’s 2s

Score: 15-7


A long-awaited fixture loomed over SUWPCs biggest boys on the evening of the 8th of December. After some mismanagement of dates, the provisional away fixture against Exeter 2s in October ended in a walkover against SUWPC. Despite our pleas and begging, Exeter were not willing to re-arrange the match, resulting in SUWPC starting the season on minus 3 points. We can understand why Exeter would do this. Being in the lowest division, where relegation is not possible, you do need every competitive advantage.

To make a long story short with this report, the game was all over the place. The game had 22 goals, 21 majors and 5 players wrapped. SUWPC managed only 3 fewer majors than goals, whilst Exeter 2s managed 2 more majors than goals scored. They also managed to end the game with only 5 players in the pool – after bringing only one substitute – all 9 of their majors were split between three people. To try and give a chronological account of all the major points in the game is a task I am not willing to do, so forgive me if there are some errors in this report, as it was a clusterf*ck of a game.

Despite what you may think, it wasn’t a scrappy or dirty game at all. Most of SUWPCs major fouls came from getting out of the pool wrong. The two players that SUWPC had wrapped, Christian Laurent and Miroslav Georgiev, received three major fouls between them for removal from the pool-related incidents. Big Chris, playing in his final game of his 8-year tenure at SUWPC, managed to get two majors in half a second, which may need to be investigated by the Guinness Book of World Records, after he was sent out for a major foul but him and Will Sparrow both forgot a closed fist from the referee signalled that number ten was excluded, not five. So paddlefest went to get out of the pool, which lead to him getting a major. Then as Chris hadn’t gotten out of the pool, this led to him giving away a penalty and receiving his second major.

When it came to goals, these were often peculiar. You’ll notice at the bottom of this report, Oliver Dean, resident rager, is mentioned in goals scored again. At the end of the third quarter to beat the buzzer, Oli threw the ball to catch the opposition keeper off his line. This was received very well by one of the referees, as according to the table, he let out a long and audible sigh. Make of that what you will. This does showcase the great improvement of Mr Rage’s distance throwing, with him barely able to get the ball to the halfway line last season. Oli still lived up to his previous raging standards. After conceding a goal, he decided to punch the wall. Apparently, this is the first time he’s done this after conceding. I doubt that.

Another peculiar occurrence was the unwillingness of SUWPC to set up a proper man up. Despite having the majority of the final quarter playing man-up or 2 man-up, not a single successful set up was achieved. This was disappointing to see as this is an area that has been heavily worked on in training and was used to great effect in our previous game against Aberystwyth. Despite this, goals were scored from man ups, but most would have had Mr President muttering his wise words again, “Well done, but don’t f*cking do that again”.

Despite our troubles, the game was comfortably won. Ending with the biggest boys scoring over double the amount of Exeter 2s. It wasn’t our greatest performance by a large margin. Mr Dalton, our top goal scorer of the evening with 6 goals – over double the amount of anyone else on the team that evening, was quoted in the changing rooms saying ‘Yeah, it just became a bit of a solo game’. Interesting analysis from the Salisbury man.

There was a late appeal from the Exeter team in the form of a play under protest form being filled out in the third quarter. This was after their number 5 was ejected for three major fouls. There were two reasons for the protest. One, that Jubilee has a shallow end, which Exeter’s pool also has; two, that after being wrapped but not getting out of the pool number 5 scored and was allowed to have the goal stand. The second doesn’t sound like a disadvantage to me.

See you in the cup


Sam Dalton – 6

Tom Bragg – 3

Sam Wilmshurst – 2

Vinnie Bancale – 1

Edoardo Barberi – 1

Oliver Dean – 1

Ben Cannon – 1


Christian Laurent – 3

Miro Georgiev – 3

Sam Pina – 2

Ben Cannon – 1

Edoardo Barberi – 1

Will Sparrow – 1

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