Aberystwyth – more like Aber ist Witz

Report Author: Miro Milanov

Game: Southampton Men vs Aberystwyth Men

Location: Jubilee Sports Centre

Score: 29-0

Date: 17/11/2021

It is not a stretch when I tell you that some of the members of the men’s team have a quite logical fear of Aberystwyth. It is not the Welsh team that brings men to their knees, but rather the road to them. And with that obstacle out the way, the SUWPC men’s team prepared to face their opponents on the 17th of November at Jubilee Sports Centre. Despite earlier talk of rescheduling the event, seven out of thirteen of Aberystwyth’s most hardened competitors survived the trip down South. After an award-worthy coin toss by el Capitan, the boys started the swim off from the deep end. With a successful first ball, quick arrangement into arc formation and a pass towards president Alex at pit, the ball was in Aberystwyth’s net before they could pronounce their name at only 20 seconds into the game. The drills from the previous match had paid off. Not only did the boys demonstrate proper attack, but they also performed brilliant defence as well. Throughout the whole match, the times Aberystwyth managed to take a proper shot towards our goal can be counted on one hand. Only one of those reached our goal in the first quarter, but it was slammed down to the water by our goalie – Nimrod, who stared down the opposition causing them to flee back to their side. 7 more goals were had – 2 by fresher Finn Thomas, who scored his first goal in his SUWPC career, 1 by local seducer Sam Dalton, 1 more by ‘stache expert Alex and 3 by Bulgaria’s rising talent Miro Georgiev.

Finishing the first quarter 8-0 gave the men, the finest of boys, a sense of security. Large scale rotations took place, with at times the whole team swapping out. The second quarter saw the men scoring a Guinness record-breaking 11 goals. 3 were scored by captain Miro Milanov, one more by Finn, two more by Trinidad’s rum connoisseur Daniel Ammon, one more by Alex and one more by Miro Georgiev, clearing once and for all the misconception that there are indeed two Miros now that they’ve both been mentioned in the same sentence.

During the mid-game break, the boys gathered at the coach bench and decided to follow through with last match’s strategy of setting proper attacks even if they’ve got the upper hand in a counter-attack. Just like last game against UWE, the boys scored three goals using the tactic, but didn’t let a single shot go behind their goal line. This quarter saw Daniel Ammon score another goal, Cyprus’ finest Antonis leave a mark on the score sheet and fresher Brandon Lim snatch his first goal.

Much to the eleven attacking player’s delight at having such a successful match, goalie Nimrod reported that his buttocks had started to feel cold and requested immediate swap. Brandon Lim took upon the offer to defend the goal and after a swim for the first ball from Finn, the ball was quickly in Nimrod’s. Only twenty seconds into the final quarter, our goalie secured a goal for himself. Social sec Til Jordan chucked one in for the boys, along with Dalton who claimed to have done it for the girls, Michael Scott (not from the office) donated two goals for charity, Fresher’s sec James Popple cooked (Apologies, I am running out of unique verbs) his first goal for the club, while captain Miro rounded up the game with a backshot ten seconds before the end.

Aberystwyth graced us with their traditional TJ dance, followed by pictures and we were off to the pub, where we enjoyed a nice chat. It is not often you see a water polo game in which one team doesn’t let a single goal in, let alone a game that ends 29-0 and to top it all off, have every single player score a goal. If we were playing Bingo we’d be winning. I am overjoyed to have experienced it. Lovely being there, much love, Bulgarian love, water love, Miro

Man of the Match

Michael Scott – For the solid defence of our own goal, insightful commentary and those two great goals.

Mug of the Match

Nimrod Abramovich – For allowing his buttocks to get cold.

Name – Goals/Majors

Nimrod Abramovich – 1/0

Miroslav Milanov – 4/0

Til Jordan – 1/0

Finn Thomas – 3/0

Sam Dalton – 5/1

Michael Scott – 2/0

Daniel Ammon – 3/0

Alex Wilmshurst – 3/1

James Popple – 1/0

Antonis Prodromou – 1/0

Miroslav Georgiev – 4/0

Brandon Lim – 1/0

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