Pre match talk: We were gonna get shafted, we had no hope, just enjoy the game and have a positive mental attitude. The lads clearly thought very highly of themselves and their chances ahead of their first home game.

1st Quarter

With spirits high, the biggest boys took their marks in the shallow end and a superb swim off won us possession. Unfortunately, this didn’t last very long, with our first attack turning into a concession and putting us 0-1 down.

A determined Matthew Holman equalised the game before a penalty taken by Youssef put us ahead. Finn Thomas’ long-awaited return to the Stags did not disappoint, as he continued the break away from UWE, with Youssef following up. Youssef was on absolute fire so far and took it 1 goal further before the Stags capitalised with another from Finn and Tom Weekes.

Some impeccable defence from the lads meant that the quarter closed at 7-3, a fantastic turn around from the first 30 seconds.

With just 20 seconds left on the clock, Jack James (to the horror of everyone) attempted to make himself useful. Freshers, if you aren’t aware, Mr James has a reputation for trying to start his own airline with the ball and likes to send it into the stratosphere. NOT THIS TIME. He managed to improve his record of negative 5 goals and actually got one into the net. Good boy.

2nd Quarter

Genuinely one of the best comebacks I have ever seen in water polo this quarter. Just a shame that it happened for UWE and not us.

The lads fumbled their first attack of the quarter despite it being a man up. Multiple ricochets off the crossbar led me to believe that some members were trying the crossbar challenge. The pit attack, who Jack had a reasonable hold on so far, started to pose a substantial threat with goals starting to come from far out on 8m.

Fortunately a penalty scored by Finn neutralised the threat, only for Youssef to be Crossy’s biggest opp and get himself excluded. A cracked defence stopped UWE from scoring this time, but it wasn’t long before they upped their goal count. Mr Holman doubled down with another goal next to his name. UWE took this personally, responding with four more goals and ensuring Mr Thomas was sent to the naughty corner.

With 25 seconds left in the quarter, Matt generously gifted UWE a chance to tie up the quarter by giving away a penalty. Luckily, Mr Sam Cross is a very intimidating man and deflected the ball with pure aura.

The quarter wrapped up with our 8-3 lead turning into 10-9. Yikes.

3rd Quarter

With yet another swim off won, the Stags set up their attack swiftly. UWE had clearly identified Youssef as a prime threat and were dropping heavily on him. This left our players on the top free, and another shot from Mr James found the net only 16 seconds into the quarter.

This is absolutely unheard of AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!

It’s a shame he couldn’t defend the blue number 2, who had scored six goals off him at this point.

Finn neatly put another 2 in the net and earned himself an exclusion, whilst Jack continued to slack off on defending his player. Daddy Youssef netted himself another, followed by Mr Felix Hirst, who scored a beautiful goal into the bottom corner.

Not to end the quarter on a low, UWE managed to get another one past Jack and Crossy.

4th Quarter

A nail-biting match so far, and despite winning another swim off, we unfortunately conceded. This wasn’t helped by Jack earning an exclusion, but luckily our fresh goalie, Mr Elliot Oldham, stepped up and shut down UWE’s attack.

Desperate to give the ops another opportunity to score, Youssef gave away a penalty, which Elliot unfortunately couldn’t save. Mr Oldham was eager for a redo, so generously gave away a penalty of his own, which he also let in. (We love you Gammon. You have nothing to prove. Please don’t give away more penalties).

The stags were determined to edge UWE, with their hopes of winning still very much alive, and the game now tied at 16-16.

Suddenly, our absolutely gorgeous captain (who had decided to play under the radar so far for most of the match) scored two consecutive goals to tip us ahead. BIG LOVE ANDY!!!

Exclusions from both sides, including Matt, made for a tense situation, but only the Stags managed to capitalise on this, with Mr Hibbetts showing why he is our captain by adding another 2 goals.

UWE were now enraged and showing no signs of holding back, getting two balls past Elliot, whilst Andy picked up an exclusion, followed by fresher Edward Jackson conceding a penalty which devastatingly found the net.

With the game at 20-19, the ball in the lads possession and just 22 seconds left on the clock, all they had to do was not let UWE get their hands on the ball. Jack and Elliot Oldham played some gorgeous keepball with the UWE number 2, perfecting the loopiest of passes. As the final seconds ticked down, Jack took a long shot which was impressively on target, if he was aiming for their keeper.

A huge win for the lads, who were convinced they were going to lose the match. Try backing yourselves a bit next time xx

MVP: Youssef Hassan, for his phenomenal performance in pit and handling the ball with so much beauty and grace i wish he held me like that

Dick of the Day: Jack James, his only job is to defend the goal and the player he marked scored 15 of their 19 goals so safe to say he wasn’t very good at doing his job.

Written by Mr Jack James

Goals/Majors

Sam Cross: 0/0
Tom Weekes: 1/0
Elliot Oldham: 0/1
Finn Thomas: 5/2
Matt Holman: 2/2
Andy Hibbetts: 4/1
Alwin Chan: 0/0
Jack James: 2/1
Yvan Portianoi: 0/0
Felix Hirst: 1/0
George Lea: 0/0
Youssef Hassan: 5/2
Ed Jackson: 0/1